Where is the Therapist in the Ring Theory of Support?

In times of crisis, whether it's facing illness, loss, or upheaval, navigating the complexities of support can be challenging, for those going through the crisis or someone who you wish to support. We've all been in situations where we're unsure of what to say or do to help, or perhaps we've received well-intentioned but ultimately unhelpful comments from others, such as “this isn’t about you,” “suck it up, that’s life,” and others that have been engrained in our memories. That's where the Ring Theory of Support comes in—a simple yet profound framework for understanding how to offer comfort and support in times of need.

So, what exactly is the Ring Theory of Support?

Summed up by remembering “comfort in and dump out”. Imagine yourself at the center of a set of circles, with those closest or also part of the crisis nearest to you. You're in the center ring, and as you move outward, the rings encompass people who are progressively less directly affected by the crisis. The person at the center of the crisis—the one in the innermost circle—has the right to express their feelings, vent, and seek support from anyone in any ring. However, those in outer rings should only offer comfort and support, avoiding "dumping" their own emotions onto those closer to the center.

Illustrated by Wes Bausmith

Here are some practical guidelines based on the Ring Theory:

1. Be mindful of your position in the circle: Consider how close you are to the person at the center of the crisis. Your proximity determines your role and the type of support you should offer.

2. Offer comfort and support: When speaking to someone closer to the center of the crisis, focus on providing comfort and empathy rather than offering advice or sharing your own experiences.

3. Practice active listening: Sometimes, the most supportive thing you can do is simply listen. Offer a compassionate ear and refrain from offering unsolicited advice or solutions.

4. Avoid dumping: If you need to express your own emotions or frustrations about the situation, do so to someone in a larger ring than yours. Remember, "Comfort in, dump out."

5. Practical acts of kindness: Offer tangible forms of support, such as bringing a meal, running errands, or simply spending time with the person in crisis.

   As a therapist we are not directly involved in the crisis and for us incorporating the Ring Theory of Support into our approach can help ensure a therapeutic environment where my clients can come and dump out their pain. The therapist is outside the ring as a support that provides comfort in and once the client is ready post crisis can focus on picking the pieces of their life together. So, take a moment draw and write in these circles, consider your position in the circle, and remember that offering support is not about fixing the problem—it's about showing up with compassion and empathy in times of need.